For Sleepless Nights by Deborah Beach Giordano
On A Sleepless Night
I spend sleepless nights
loudly bemoaning
all that’s going on:
complaining to God
of devices and desires,
deceptions and deceits;
of the countless wrongs
that need to be made right.
I can think of nothing else.
(I’m exhausted and despairing.)
I remember the good times,
when all was bright
and hopeful,
when it seemed as if God
was right beside me:
my best Friend
and dearest companion;
it was as if our hearts
beat as one.
And I think,
“It’s something I have done;
my doubts and my failings
have driven God away.”
(Can that be so?)
Then I remember
all that God has done;
the miracles of ancient times:
the sick made well,
the weak made strong,
multitudes fed,
streams of life-giving water
in the midst of the desert.
And freedom:
over and again
Your Way led to freedom
from slavery,
fear, and harm;
away from all confinements
of body,
mind,
and spirit.
(That’s important.)
That’s how You work,
isn’t it, All-Sustaining God?
Blessing and healing,
restoring
and releasing …
letting go.
Letting go is holy;
a work of healing
and of peace:
the Israelites let go
of their life in Egypt,
Joseph let go
of resentment,
Ruth let go
of family and home,
Esau let go
of all thoughts of revenge.
(Letting go is holy.)
Dare I,
can I,
will I
take that frightful
faithful
step
into the unknown:
away
from the familiar
and the safe?
Can I let go
of my own desires,
of my own fears,
of my own way;
can I let go
of my need
to be in control,
and entrust this life
to You,
O Architect of the Unexpected?
(That is a true leap of faith.)