Worries and Changes

Our worries can drive us nearly crazy; they can also teach us.

The Scripture

Psalm 77
retold by Deborah

I am shouting, shouting, shouting to God.

I’m pleading to God, begging, beseeching… and: nothing. I pray all night long, but my heart is still breaking. I think of God, and I weep and moan; the more I meditate, the lower my spirit sinks. Hear me, God!

I cannot sleep, I am so distraught that I cannot speak.

I remember the old days when things were good. My head hurts and my heart aches, and I search my soul, “Will the Lord ignore me forever; have I been abandoned? Has God’s faithful love ended? Have we crossed the last line and caused God to hate us for all eternity?” Hear me, God!

And I think, “What if God has walked away?”

I will focus on God’s history; I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your works, and reflect on all Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy. Only You are holy, only You are divine: all other gods are idols, leading us astray. You are the God who works wonders; Your strength is legendary; Your love has changed the world. Hear me, God!

In the midst of chaos, O God, You created; bringing forth life and beauty: birds and beasts and bees, rocks and roses and redwoods, oceans and rivers and rainclouds… Nothing can stop You, nothing can keep You away.

Photo of a flower

For Sleepless Nights by Deborah Beach Giordano

On A Sleepless Night

I spend sleepless nights
loudly bemoaning
all that’s going on:
complaining to God
of devices and desires,
deceptions and deceits;
of the countless wrongs
that need to be made right.
I can think of nothing else.

(I’m exhausted and despairing.)

I remember the good times,
when all was bright
and hopeful,
when it seemed as if God
was right beside me:
my best Friend
and dearest companion;
it was as if our hearts
beat as one.

And I think,
“It’s something I have done;
my doubts and my failings
have driven God away.”

(Can that be so?)

Then I remember
all that God has done;
the miracles of ancient times:
the sick made well,
the weak made strong,
multitudes fed,
streams of life-giving water
in the midst of the desert.

And freedom:
over and again
Your Way led to freedom
from slavery,
fear, and harm;
away from all confinements
of body,
and spirit.

(That’s important.)

That’s how You work,
isn’t it, All-Sustaining God?
Blessing and healing,
and releasing …
letting go.

Letting go is holy;
a work of healing
and of peace:
the Israelites let go
of their life in Egypt,
Joseph let go
of resentment,
Ruth let go
of family and home,
Esau let go
of all thoughts of revenge.

(Letting go is holy.)

Dare I,
can I,
will I
take that frightful
into the unknown:
from the familiar
and the safe?

Can I let go
of my own desires,
of my own fears,
of my own way;
can I let go
of my need
to be in control,
and entrust this life
to You,
O Architect of the Unexpected?

(That is a true leap of faith.)