Divine Pursuit

The psalmist encounters God as persistent and alarming.

Psalm 139
New American Standard translation

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.

You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

O that You would slay the wicked, O God; Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed. For they speak against You wickedly, And Your enemies take Your name in vain.

Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Photo of a flower

Reflection by Deborah Beach Giordano
January 15, 2018

Coming to Terms with God

Psalm 139 ~ interpreted by Deborah

O Eternal Presence, You know me, utterly and completely. You know where I am and what I’m doing; You know my hopes and my dreams, my fears and my failings. You see my weaknesses and my weariness, you track my lost and lonely wanderings.

You’ve got me surrounded: encircled, hemmed in, ensnared. I cannot escape from You, O Divine Pursuer.

There is nowhere that I can hide; the highest mountain, the broadest valley, the farthest shore — You are there. Aloft in ecstasy, in the depths of the abyss, or enshrouded in despair, You lie in wait for me.

I twist and turn and backtrack, making my way along a path that You surely won’t follow. The light fades, my vision fails, I trip and stumble and tumble to the ground. Entangled in briars, muddy, cut and bleeding, I say, “Surely all hope is gone.”

I hear a cry: is it mine or Yours? A celestial halloo — You, O Hound of Heaven, have found me here, even here in the depths; for to You the night is as bright as the day. I am not lost, but found.

Now I must not merely hope, but believe, that I am dear to You; as precious as an only child, intricately woven in the strands of Your heart. All that You have made is filled with grace and glory — and I am part of that good creation: a sacred work of art. You will not let me go.

O Eternal Wisdom, You know all there is to know; beyond our thoughts, beyond our hopes and fears and dreams and dreads — beyond all imagining! Beyond the number of the stars, or the countless grains of sand; there is no end and, throughout it all, Your love persists.

If only You would destroy the wicked, O God. Begone, murderers and dealers of death! They deny and demean You, and despise Your holy name. How I hate them, O Lord, all those who fight against you; I hate them utterly and completely; they are my enemies.

O Fiercely Loyal Shepherd, protect me from deceits and dangers. Drive out all narrowness and nastiness that closes down my heart and separates me from You. Guide my feet along the way of kindness and compassion, and lead me to the blissful place where I will dwell with You forever. Amen.

A Cry of Alarm

What appears at first blush to be an affirmation of God’s omniscience (“You know everything”) soon becomes the recounting of an anxious, unsuccessful effort to escape The One Who Is (“No matter where I go or what I do, I can’t get away you”). The psalmist speaks of being grasped or gripped by God: ensnared, as if in a trap; held fast. There’s no escape.

This is no song of praise, but a cry of alarm, of a struggle to break free. Perhaps in pain, perhaps sorrowing, perhaps deeply flawed, or guilty of great evil, whatever the cause, the psalmist is frantic to escape from God. He is suffering, frightened, hopeless, trapped, and desperate to get away.

A Frightful Lie

How can this be? What could cause one who is in need to turn from the Source of Life? Fear. Fear drove the psalmist away from God. Fear — that abominable Lie that has caused so much grief and suffering. All too often the Eternal has been depicted as demanding, destructive, and vengeful. In our innocence and ignorance we ascribe our worst impulses to God: the Eternal becomes a celestial Egotist, insisting on obedience and obsequiousness; unapproachable, invincible, unwilling to forgive.

But God’s ways are not our ways. And that truth is revealed as the psalm continues.

Divine Pursuit

There is more to the story. Trying to evade or avoid God leads nowhere — literally; it leads to bleak hopelessness, to endless echoes of our own confusion. Instead, when we are mindful of creation — especially of the gift of ourselves — we will come to know that God is with us, and always is. No matter how desperate or alone, no matter how great the trouble, there is no escape from our Divine Pursuer. As a later author will proclaim: Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing.

Now I must not merely hope, but believe, that I am dear to You; as precious as an only child, intricately woven in the strands of Your heart. All that You have made is filled with grace and glory — and I am part of that good creation: a sacred work of art. You will not let me go.

The Eternal Presence is not oppressive; it is not a prison guard that constrains us, but a power that can sweep away all that prevents us from living full, glorious lives. God is not a persecutor, but our reliable Friend and Guide; not a critic who condemns, but the Artist who adores the shape of our lives. God is on our side.

A Very Human Response

As he reflects on the miracle of his own existence, the psalmist’s thoughts lead to the majesty and grandeur of the Lord. This glorious insight is cause for praise and rejoicing, and for a deep desire to be “right with God,” and so our friend assures the Eternal of his (new-found) commitment to holiness.

Unfortunately, and very humanly, the psalmist’s foot slips right away. It is not enough for him to proclaim his delight and desire for God, he feels the need to compare and condemn. “Oh yes, Lord, I’ve got the message; You can check and see — but there are those others: they’re awful, spiteful, and destructive. Not like me.”

If only You would destroy the wicked, O God. Begone, murderers and dealers of death! They deny and demean You, and despise Your holy name. How I hate them, O Lord, all those who fight against you; I hate them utterly and completely; they are my enemies.

It’s jarring, this sudden turn from awe-filled praise toward angry gnashing of teeth and fantasies of destruction. How can the psalmist be dazzled by God’s grace one moment, and be overwhelmed with hatred the next?

We may well ask.

How is it that those who claim to love the Lord can be uncaring, unkind, and thoughtless toward others? How can we pray for peace one moment, and shout and sneer at one another the next? If we believe we are wondrously made, why aren’t we kinder and gentler to ourselves?

It isn’t easy, this walk of faith. It isn’t like anything else on earth. It isn’t a competition, there’s no one we have to out-think, or out-run, or overcome. We don’t have to knock someone else down in order to lift ourselves up; it is enough for us to do our level best. Believing that may be the hardest thing to do: to trust that we are beloved, just as we are. We are enough, just as we are, to be infinitely precious to God.

O Fiercely Loyal Shepherd, protect us from deceits and dangers. Drive out all narrowness and nastiness that closes down our hearts and separates us from You. Guide our feet along the way of kindness and compassion, and lead us to the blissful place where we will dwell with You forever. Amen.

Virtual hugs and real-time blessings,

Deborah  ✝

Suggested Spiritual Exercise

Let your words and your works honor your beautiful, sacred nature, for you are wondrously made by Divine hands.